I consider myself to be a confident woman. I know what I bring to the table but knowing you’re a cool person with much to offer is entirely different from self love. I was recently forced to acknowledge that despite being able to rattle off a list of great qualities I know I have, I didn’t love myself. I was taking self limiting actions in my life, and decided to put an end to it. Based on those actions, I created this list of 5 Things People With Self Love Do.
1. They know when to walk away.
I 100% did not know when to walk away. I stayed separated from my marriage four years too long. Reflecting back, I welched out on my personal code that said, if we separate, I give it one year. Plus there must be commitment towards reconciliation. Once that is gone, we file for divorce. A year went by and instead of loving myself by honoring this personal code, I allowed myself to sink into a stuck hole of hope. I knew the exact moment my marriage was over. Yet, I did nothing. Why? Because I didn’t love myself enough and I was even still punishing myself for my shortcomings in the relationship. I was also seeking validation. I thought if my husband loves me, I’m valuable. Now my thinking has shifted.
When this self love mind shift hits you it’s as if you were in a dark room and find the light switch. I also practice Kabbalah and found peace from understanding the universe puts me exactly where I need to be to serve my soul’s purpose. Now I know I am valuable regardless of who I am loved by. I’m loved by me! Now I take actions to show myself care and kindness. I ask myself, “what are you gaining from this (job, relationship, situation etc.) and how does it make you feel?” If the answer is positive, I express gratitude and proceed. But if the answer conjures up negative emotions, limiting beliefs and self criticism then I walk away.
Trust me you will open yourself to new blessings that serve your purpose the moment you value yourself.
2. They surround themselves with big thinkers and set goals.
Ten years ago, my life became stagnant because I valued comfort and stability. I was surrounded by people with the same stagnant lives. Once I chose to get uncomfortable, left everything that was familiar and moved from suburban New Jersey to Miami Beach, Florida, I started to grow. In 2013, I accepted a job as marketing director for a self made multimillionaire entrepreneur and New York Times best selling author, speaker and motivator. Because the money was half of what I was used to, I referred to this position as a “paid apprenticeship” to get around the big thinking of someone who created great wealth for themselves. My mind was opened up to other successful big thinkers. I started to transform.
Fast forward a year and a half and I make it a point to get around people who are driven, and ambitious. Even better through my practice of Kabbalah I started to manifest these people. I became this powerhouse of manifesting amazing people. I really like people who are going for something and have their eye on what’s important. They aren’t escaping. They are constantly creating the life they want and truly listening to their instincts. They also share my belief that the more you have the more you have to share. These people have experienced hardship. They’ve loved and lost. They’ve had business challenges and rose above. They have hit rock bottom but, they have and continue to work on themselves. It’s inspiring!
3. They believe they are worthy of abundance and great joy.
There’s a huge difference between hoping for abundance and joy and believing you’re worthy of it and then taking action to manifest it. We often hope that someday we’ll land that job, make the money we want, find that partner, lose that weight, etc. But until we truly believe we are worthy of actually having all the things we hope and dream of, we won’t buy into taking action. We won’t manifest and will continue to hope and dream. We won’t notice blessings when they are right in front of us and they’ll pass us by only to repeat lessons with more force. I believe that if I can manifest amazing people I certainly can manifest abundance and great joy. Being appreciative for the smallest things brings bigger things into your life. Declare what is already on the way to you and do this throughout the day. Thank people for the gifts they are giving you such as their time and energy. Watch how many more blessings come.
4. They avoid blame, take full responsibility and action.
For a while I would slip into blame mode. I’d replay what became my story in my mind and tortured myself! This mindset was unloving and unkind to myself. Not to mention it was limiting because it made me a victim and kept me stuck. Never again. That constant self blame, blame of others is a disastrous cycle. When I look at something with a responsible eye I am able to commit fully. I look at all sides, ask myself the right questions and proceed. I know I’m responsible for all outcomes. If I got myself here, I can get myself there. I just have to keep moving forward. Once I caught onto that it was very powerful.
5. They don’t waste time.
One thing being in a 24 year relationship taught me is how valuable time is. A huge source of security for me is setting and achieving goals both individually and with the person I’m in a relationship with. Forward thinking with feet planted in the present is a combination that keeps me interested and inspired.
It is so easy to fall into a routine and pattern in life. I was in one for ages while living in New Jersey. I was the Queen of Comfort. I created a time-sucking, purposeless, spiritually weak life that consisted of sleep, commute, work, commute, eat, watch TV, repeat. Then I would escape by partying with friends on the weekends and shopping. I was the epitome of middle class comfort zone. Make “good money” and just exist in comfort land then spend it on immediate gratification as opposed to investing it into my own betterment. I never took courses, no workshops, nothing! I sat on the sofa watched reality TV and flipped through fashion magazines. I wasn’t nourishing my own spirit so how can I possibly motivate and inspire my husband? Yet my deep inner voice knew this was not the path to my purpose. The universe has a way of setting things up so that it is impossible NOT to transform.
I’m so glad and grateful for the wake up call I got. I can say this now looking back. It’s what brought me to Miami and a five minute bike ride from the ocean something I know I need. My little voice inside whispered, “you are meant for more.” I didn’t pay attention and I wasted time. So now I’m committed to a purposeful life. I pack my days with writing and marketing for my business, speaking with clients, exercise of some form (all you need is like 30 minutes), social time with friends, personal and professional development, and recently added journaling and meditation to the mix. I feel a sense of urgency and respect for time. I believe when time is respected through productivity, opportunity comes. I’ve seen it happen.
Self love is what helps us set boundaries. What we will and will not tolerate becomes very clear. Your commitment to being kind to yourself takes top priority. You stop accepting less knowing that settling for mediocrity is limiting. You start thinking of all options and possibilities and best of all, you get unstuck!
Lisa Concepcion, founder of LoveQuest Marketing, offers busy professionals personal branding, coaching and workshops to help people to effectively position themselves for love. You can connect with Lisa via twitter @lisatakesmiami .